party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
