Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
