Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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