This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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