i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
