some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
