Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
