Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
