it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
