I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
