do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
