im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
