the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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