she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
