Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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