there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
only you would photoshop your dick
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
