I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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