Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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