My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
