dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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