i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
