Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
