my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
