I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I need moral support for this bender
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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