benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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