i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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