if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Non-Jews are for practice
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
