I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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