Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
