I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
