I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
