I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
