hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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