dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm passing your future prison.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I deserve this hangover.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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