Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
