I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
