How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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