im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
