Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have feelings that need drinking.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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