i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
