Sry I called you an 8
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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