Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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