Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize