"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
