Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize