Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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