I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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