your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
