He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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