My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
