why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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