your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
