i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
