I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
