i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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