Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize