when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
