I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
