Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize