Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
