Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
