i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
