how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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