only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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