Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
two words...techno handjob
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
