Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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