I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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