I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
