i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize