I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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