felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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