but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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