I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
