If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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