We named our party play list daddy issues
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
false alarm, still single
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