She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
