Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
