Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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