You can't special order awesome
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
