Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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