pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
