Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
