i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
