Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am midnight drunk by noon
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
