those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
