Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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