i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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