Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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