VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize