The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
