I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this will be a night to untag.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize