Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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