I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
