When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
