HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
