and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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