I faked an abortion last night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
