so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
