Buhtt sex?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she smelled like a LAN party
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
