so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
