Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We have started to decorate penises.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
