The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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