he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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