if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
