At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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