Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize