I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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