Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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